„Fericirea se strecoară adesea printr-o ușă pe care ai uitat-o deschisă. – John Barrymore“



Sa incep cu inceputul.

Pentru aceasta deschid usor capacul unui cufar uitat in podul copilariei. Si…

O fetita blonda,  cu parul lung si   cu un sir la fel de lung de vise.

Si o papusa. Cu trupusorul moale, confectionat naiv  din tesaturi umplute cu o gramajoara de bumbac.

Capsorul rotunjor din celuloid,   ochii,  parul si celelalte accesorii sunt desenate. Ceva in genul binecunoscutei pupe ruse, Matroska.

Avea un nume.Monica.  Prima papusa,  prima jucarie,  prima amintire clara si… prima    Monica.

In timp am mai primit si alte papusi,  cochete,  evoluate, cu par artificial cu ochii miscatori,  umbriti de gene dese. Cu trupul modelat in cauciuc elastic ,cu brate ridicate ca ale bebelusilor cand somnul le este dulce. Dar,  marea mea iubire ramanea aceeasi papusa din carpe si celuloid cu numele Monica.

Primul roman mai vast citit,   mi-a adus ca laitmotiv un nume. Monica.  La Medeleni.  Subliniam paragrafele care o descriau pe ea. O iubeam si sufeream pentru Monica. Personajul care  in primul volum avea cam varsta mea  ca cititoare si cu care ma asemuiam  la cositele lungi si blonde (” hamurile lui  Danut” ),  avea sa creasca, sa devina mama si scriitoare.  Si eu visam la ea,  la mine cand voi fi mare.  O copiam,  ma identificam cu ea,  pentru ca o iubeam.

Anii au trecut. In plictisitoarea singuratate  dintre prima iubire neimplinita si cea care avea sa fie consfiintita prin casatorie,   am cautat o anume prietenie. O fata blonda cu ochi verzi,  frumoasa, desavarsita. Era deja studenta. Eu urmam  sa fiu. Am cautat –o printre numele de pe sonetele pe care le imparteam celor dragi la sfarsit de liceu. Am gasit numele ei,  Monica.  I-am spus ca o admir si ca mi-ar place sa ne imprietenim. A fost usor mirata de abordarea mea.  A acceptat. M-a ascultat,  m-a inteles, mi-a procurat primele anticonceptionale in anii in care a inghiti asa ceva era un delict. Ea s-a maritat curand si am pierdut-o ca si confidenta. Mai tin la ea si azi cand este la fel de frumoasa si este  tanara bunica.

Acum, impart tortura zilnica a atmosferei din birou cu o mai tanara colega.

Celula frustrarii noastre. Doi metri patrati de mocheta  si citiva metri cubi de aer, dramuiti  prin instalatii de conditionare, aducatoare de groaznice migrene.  Sress paralizant  pe care il gestionam pe din doua. Cand una cade in deznadejede,  cealalta o ridica.  Purtam aceleasi culori la imbracaminte,  fara a ne intelege dinainte. Ne transmitem telepatic aceleasi idei, aceleasi spaime,  aceeasi curiozitate   pentru ezoterism. O complicitate in suferinta cotidiana.

Simple coincidente?


Afinitati.  Ea este colega mea cea draga,  Monica.

Poate si ultima din sirul papusilor/ femei cu chip de Cosanzene dar cu influente terestre.


Un nume,  mai multe elemente care definesc tot atatea etape ale unei vieti. Facand bilanturi partiale descopar de fiecare data ceva care mi-a punctat viata.

Astfel s-a nascut povestea   numelui  vedeta.

Inchid cuminte cufarul cu amintirile prafuite. Voi continua sa scormonesc,  dar pana atunci  las umbrele trecutului sa imi dospeasca in minte.

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